Is life coaching just a form of unregulated counseling or psychotherapy?

This is a great question! As a Life Coach myself, I specialize in a very particular type of insecurity experienced in the fetish scene. So many people feel guilty even thinking about being kinky, much less enjoying it, that I found myself pulling total strangers aside in clubs when they started having anxiety attacks. I’ve been there myself, I made the mistake of walking away from the scene, I have a unique perspective now, and I have the ability to both empathize and communicate with others. It became such a regular thing that it became an unexpected, but extremely rewarding business.

That’s what Life Coaching is all about – that unique perspective that you’re not going to get out of either a textbook or a classroom. I never advertised myself as a “doctor” and I certainly don’t claim to have all the answers. But I have walked the walk. Maybe that’s what makes the difference between the “coach” and the “counselor”.

What are the daily frustrations of a life coach?

That’s a really good question! But it’s a tough one to answer. My biggest frustration is when a client lies.

I’ll make up a silly example, and to be perfectly, 100% clear, this never happened. Nothing like this happened. It is fiction. But let’s say that Bob came to me and said he was ashamed because he became aroused when he saw the color green. He’s very frustrated because he doesn’t know if he should act on it or not, and it’s having a negative impact on his life. As a life coach it’s not my job to discover the origins of the trauma that caused his fixation on green. I’m here to get Bob to a happier place in his life. By the end of our time together our stated objective is for Bob to 1. become more accepting of himself and back down the shame or, 2. become more accepting of green and back down the shame or 3. whatever was behind door #3 which we’d work it out together.

The point is that we’d do some background work, the two of us would settle on a game plan and mutually agree on a goal. As you can see I take the “coach” part of the job seriously. And usually my clients and I would figure out why they were having such a hard time with acceptance and they leave a lot happier.

But every once in a while I’d get someone who would end up even more wound up at the end of our sessions than when we started. And ALWAYS there was only one reason. They hadn’t been completely honest during our initial strategy meeting. I understand why. We were just starting out, we didn’t know each other all that well. But without that initial candor it’s not possible to plan out a successful strategy. They end up frustrated, I end up frustrated, no one gets what they want. So if I may offer a word of advice – if you’re thinking of contacting a life coach, please. Do everyone a favor. BE HONEST. If you’re not comfortable with the person you’ve contacted and don’t feel you can be honest with them, find someone else. There’s lots of us out there! You’ll find a better fit. But you’ve got to be honest or this won’t work.

That’s my only frustration. Otherwise being a life coach is a fantastic job!

What is a life coach? William Singer of the Varsity Blues scandal titled himself as a life coach. Is that a recognized or accredited title?

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Tell me about your mother…

I understand the confusion. People have a pretty good grasp on what a therapist is, what a counselor is, and what a psychiatrist is. But… “life coach”? Come on now… LOL Let’s see if I can help – it’s what I do. I’m a life coach! Or at least, I was. I’m flirting with retirement now. 😉

This is the stereotypical idea of a therapist …

So if that’s what most people think would happen in therapy, here’s my take of what a life coach would do…

Never give up, never surrender!

I’m the one standing with you on the sidelines, in the mud, in the rain, getting my hands dirty.

A therapist etc. typically keeps themselves at a professional distance. They’ve gone to school for years. They’ve got the perspective of a very specific type of training, and they’re seeing your issue(s) through the lens of a very specific school of thought. Typically you’d seek out their help for an extremely complicated, long-term issue.

By comparison, a life coach is a single-serving problem solver. You, the client, don’t really need long-term therapy. For the most part you’ve got things more or less sorted out. But there’s an issue in your life that you keep stumbling over. You’re fine, you’re fine, and then BAM! It hits again and knocks the wind out of your sails. Or you’ve got a massive decision to make and you just need another perspective. Or something came out of the blue and you simply do not have the life experience to cope with it constructively. That’s where the life coach comes in. They use their own life experiences to augment yours. They’ve walked the path you’re about to tread and can guide you through the worst of it.

To offer a specific example, I specialize in kink. I’ve been in the fetish scene since 1984. As I gained experience I began to mentor those who were just starting out. It started with answering basic questions, then letting Doms who had no experience practice on me. But as time went on I discovered something. A lot of people would reach out to me because I seemed nice. They’d tell me things like they really wanted to join the scene, but they were ashamed to do so. They were ashamed of their desire to be submissive, or to dominate people. They had a fetish that really turned them on, but they were so embarrassed by it that they simply couldn’t cope. But a friend heard I was a good person to talk to and…

… and six years ago I went pro. And let me tell you, I love my job. LOVE it. Helping someone go from hating a part of themselves to openly accepting that same part of themselves is wonderful. I’d still be doing it full time, except that I just moved from a very large metro area with a thriving kinky scene to a somewhat smaller metro area. I’m not sure what I’m going to do next. But even if I never see another client it was great while it lasted. 🙂

And that’s what a life coach does! I hope that answers your question. If not, please feel free to drop me a line!